In our life, we often attend the wedding of friends and family, so the wedding precautions everyone should know. Remember that couple to invite you to the wedding, it is to get your blessings, not because you gave them a variety of health problems.
If you’ve stood by as a friend or coworker unraveled while planning her wedding, you’ve probably wondered how trying on pretty dresses or sampling cake can make a generally sane woman go off the rails. Nothing about wedding planning seems particularly challenging, from the outset, so why does the process drive so many women bonkers?
Well, it’s not all bonbons and boutonnieres: Here are five times that wedding planning can genuinely suck—and how to move past them.
Money Will Become a Thing, Even If You Both Have Good Jobs
Maybe your groom just booked an impromptu boys trip—despite the fact that you’re looking at a $150-a-head wedding venue. Or maybe you got an extra-dramatic eye roll when you came home with a bottle of expensive champagne—to celebrate The Bachelor premiere. Regardless of whether you share a bank account or plan to keep ’em separate, how you spend will come under scrutiny (from your partner, and anyone else who’s chipping in for your big day) while you’re wedding-planning.
Get Over It: Have a conversation about how you’ll spend money leading up to the big day. If you’re each on the hook for $X, have it auto-paid to a separate wedding account—and give each other leeway for the occasional splurge, as long as you’re not racking up credit card debt.
You’ll Suffer From Input Overload
Before you were planning a wedding, polling your peers was helpful: “Should I wait for him to call me?” “Does this dress work for job interview?” But now that everyone who spots your ring (Gary from accounting, a random bank teller) wants to weigh in on the merits of a “proper” soup course, you probably just want to stick your fingers in your ears and yell “LA LA LA,” toddler-style.
Get Over It: Don’t argue about the aunt who says you “must” get $2,000 invitations and host a bridal shower for 80. Just paste a smile on your face and repeat after us: “Thanks! We’ll totally take that into consideration.”
Your Mom (and His Mom) Might Get Weird
Even if your mom was never the the “Why aren’t you engaged yet?” type, she’s probably considered how your wedding might play out—especially if she didn’t have the wedding of her dreams. Same goes for your groom’s mom. If one of them saved a wedding dress that they’re dying for you to try on, humor her—then feel free to politely decline. For the rest of the wedding-related conversations (from, “You really SHOULD invite your second cousins” to “Tell the caterer not to cook with salt!!”) see below.
Get Over It: Again, muster up that smile and say: “Thanks! We’ll totally take that into consideration.”
Your Friends May Go AWOL
Whether your best friends with a free spirit who’s not that into monogamy or a married mom of two, you might be surprised when she doesn’t answer your pressing email (Subject: WHAT COLOR ROSES?!) or a less-pressing one (Subject: brunch some time?). Some of your gal pals might be lukewarm on weddings, in general, others might be over them entirely. (You try going to 16 weddings in one summer.) And friends that are hoping for a ring of their own could be avoiding you if they can’t rein in their jealousy. Or your friends could all be super-psyched for you and supportive beyond measure—every wedding (and every friendship) is different.
Get Over It: If you feel like your friends have been distant since your engagement, make an effort to ask how their lives are going—and try to make concrete plans. (Subject: I miss you! Drinks Tuesday night?) When you do get together, steer the conversation away from your wedding, unless she asks you about it. And if she does ask, don’t take her curiosity as your cue to monopolize the conversation with your woes about your future mother-in-law.
Your Groom Will Have Lots of Opinions—or None at All
There’s something about the minutiae of wedding planning that generally doesn’t agree with guys. You may find your normally decisive groom stares blankly while you weigh the merits of traditional roses vs. garden roses. Or he could have surprisingly passionate feelings about something that feels, to you, inconsequential. (My groom got very emotional over the patterned paper that was going beneath the centerpieces at our reception. Yes, really.)
Get Over It: Planning your wedding solo is going to breed major resentment. If your guy’s not into it, make room in your budget for a wedding planner and thank us later. If your guy feels strongly about some things (the band or, say, that patterned paper) let him own those details so they’re off your plate. For everything else, rather than trying to make him care about napkin colors or the order your wedding party walks down the aisle, just make the decision yourself. At the end of the (wedding) day, your goal is to be married—so try not to sweat the details that happen outside of your vows. And don’t make him sweat them, either.